At work listening to music

this came on the ipod, thought I would post it cause... well just because..

Hello again, it’s you and me
Kinda always like it used to be
Sippin' wine, killing time
Trying to solve life’s mysteries.
How’s your life, it’s been a while
God it’s good to see you smile
I see you reaching for your keys
Looking for a reason not to leave.

If you don’t know if you should stay
If you don’t say what’s on your mind
Baby just, breathe there’s no where else tonight we should be-
You wanna make a memory.

I dug up this old photograph
Look at all that hair we had
It’s bittersweet to hear you laugh
Your phone is ringing, I don’t wanna ask.

If you go now, I’ll understand
If you stay, hey, I got a plan
You wanna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You could sing a melody to me
And I could write a couple lines
You wanna make a memory.

If you don’t know if you should stay
And you don’t say what’s on your mind
Baby just, breathe there’s no where else tonight we should be-
You wanna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You could sing a melody to me
And I could write a couple lines
You wanna make a memory
You wanna make a memory

back at work

So here I am back at work, its weird to be back but in a good way I think. I hope I can keep occupied today. I think it would be bad if I can't. here is to keeping my fingers crossed.

in late

So I came into work tonight, it was just easier, had some issues with some software that I was working with at home, and was not able to fix it there. I also have a head full of junk rumbling around and just needed to get away from the house.

I feel like I have been pretty productive tonight, at least as far as work goes. I think its time to spend some energy picking up some stuff I have neglected though, I think I may try and do that after work tomorrow... well today technically I guess.

At least I got done what I had planned to get done for work. I may do this more often, its really quiet here and I enjoy the time alone.. the house seems to be kinda full lately.. well more later I suppose

mental unhealth day

I woke up this morning prolly about 4, I decided that I was going to relax and be mellow for work today. I went and got into the spa and watched the sun come up. after this, I went for my morning jog, listening to the ipod... Once home, my plan was to shower, change and prolly take the rest of the day to relax. I picked up my phone to se 15 missed calls. *sigh* I called back work to find there was some issue with somthing that was pushed last night, and everyone was running around with their hair on fire.

Long story short (to late) I rand some stuff from home, piled in the car, came to work and I have been here ever since. Lately I am feeling so mentally unhealty, like I go through the motions but don't go beyond that for fear that today will be the day that I snap and will have to be commited. Ok that might be an exerageration. But I just don't feel like things here are going to change for the better here.

I think that I am going to give it till firday to let myself calm down and see how things play out. see if there is any more fallout from todays issues. then I will make my decision from there. I have to keep my eye on the things that make me smile and let me forget about work. one more day at a time I suppose

moving.... AGAIN....

Well I knew it was coming and here it is. I have once again moved my office across the building, this time giving up my window seat. I am not 100% sure how I feel about that second part just yet but as it was my choice, I really don't think its going to be a big deal, only time will tell.

This move comes on the heels of another management re-structure here, and yet another manager. this to is a mixed emotions thing for me. The new manager I am under is a good guy, I have interacted with him before. but at the same time is more change. I have pretty much determined that no matter what happens here I will continue to have a positions, and be able to cope what whatever happens, I work well in the enviornment, and I get along with 99% of the people. It also helps that I have been here so long that I know how most stuff works. This allows me to speak at least some what intelegently about most all subjects and enviornments here. I think this also helps me continue to be a voice here at work, and one that more people than I originally thought, listen to.

Yes, I get stressed out, yes I work WAY more than I should. To be fair though, I can't just list the negatives. I have to also list the positives. We work with technology that is at the absoult breaking edge of the industry, nothing is ever the repetitive. there is always somthing exciting going on. I often ask myself if it is time to look for work that would allow me more time to plan and execute projects. A job that will allow the oppertunity to take vactions (what a novel concept) Not that I can't now, but I know when I do, the stuff I need to do will just pile up till I get back and will have to work just much harder to get caught up.

Many of my friend make comments like "this job is killing you" and "I wish you didn't work so much" Where I can understand both of these comments, and agree with them both fairly reguraly... I also enjoy the challenge, it leaves me drained for other challengs in my life, but I do enjoy being challenged to do somthing that requires I come up with a technical solution that might seem impossiable at first.

I just don't understand (work)

I don't consider myself a brilliant person, hell sometimes I think I am down right dumb. but even at that, I can take simple instructions and follow them...

Here is another one of my analogies. You tell someone "If you fill out this form and answer these questions, I will build the a car/truck/SUV for you exactly how you want it." Which would be better? A form that comes back and says "make it the same color as that car I saw on the freeway, make it have a motor like the one that was in that one car by Chevrolet, make it have as many seats as that big suburban thing that Chevy has" OR "make it green, make is have a Chevrolet 6.0 liter v-8 and make it have enough seating for 8 2 in the front, 3 in the middle and 3 in the back row." I personally think that if someone is offering you a opportunity to capture exactly what you want, you would not say things like "make it like this thing" That introduces opportunity for mis inturpertation as the builder goes to that thing and trys to decipher what exactly you want.

Then after making this part clear, they come back later... After this thing is built and want to change things. usually fundamental things... "oops I forgot this." they then don't understand when there are mistakes how this possibly could have happened. All of this would not be near as fustrating is there was any kind of back up from anyone... from my manager, to the top of the list. it should be as simple as. "this is the process, you agreed to it, you did not follow it, you do not get youf change into production." and that should be the end of the conversation. OR. We should embrase that we are a company that needs to change direction at the drop of a hat and develop a group of people that all they do is work with emergency production changes, and since all changes are emergencies, that would be all they did. I believe that this would solve the need of marketing to have somthing go out right now, and also solve the need of the business to build automation to go along with these changes, because after the push into production, this team could hand off the final product to the team that builds the sustaining automation for it to be added to the build.

I don't mean to rant about work on here. but I have to write this crap down or it will just eat me up. and I do feel better now.

Friday... lots to do...

Well, today is friday... I am at work... (DUH) I am going over all the things I need to do before... well... tomarrow, LOL. Long story short, (I know to late), Cam is having his b-day this weekend, I said I would participate... Now I just need to run around with my head shopped off for a while to get everything ready... LOL I do this to myself all the time... this time at least I am smileing, knida looking forward to shopping actually.. Oh ya and I have dinner with a friend tonight too, I keep forgetting about that.

Its a shame things have been f-ing crazy at work today. Even still I would call it a good day. lately I have been much better at stating my opinion, then taking a step back and saying, "Ok whatever you would like to do." This has helped me stay much more sane here. I think that in the future things will continue to be at least ok.

Heres to looking to the future and what is going to be the next Great Adventure.

few random morning thoughts

So its been a few days since I have been back from montana. I am sitting here at work, just thinking about things. listening to some good music. I can say, right now.. as I sit here. I am happy. I am not sure when the last time was that I could say that. nothing more nothing less. just happy. with where I am, life, work. right now is good...

There are of course things that I want to change... but right now.. in this moment.. happy is the word I am choosing to describe my state of being.

In the Salt Lake City Airport

so here I am... sitting in the salt lake city airport, waiting for my flight to phoenix... I find myself really excited to be coming home... I even feel ready to come back to work.. I am going to try to have a positive attitude for the remainder of my time there... I have to get a hold of this and stop letting it run my life. I think that if I could do that, it will be better for me and everyone around me. I might even be able to get more done at work.. I feel that lately I have been slipping, as my motivation declined, I got less done, and really didn't care if I got anything done... That is not who I am, so this break and time to reflect was good for me..

I do have to say that this is the most relaxing time I have had in montana, of all the times I have visited. I really think that alot of it has to do with the fact that I didn't "try" to do anything while I was here.. hung out with the family.. did a few fun things, but for the most part, just relaxed, played on the computer and didn't stress about things. In Fact since my last post, I went with dad out to water the trees with the firehose in the back of the truck... I adjusted the headlights on the jetta... and other than that I think I watched tv and played some computer games... Looking back, these are the vacations that I remember the most.. the ones that I just sit around doing nothing... relax and just be as my mom would say, "A bump on a log" not really sure what that means, but it seems to fit.. LOL..

I look forward, now smileing... at where I am going, where I have been, looking forward to the challenges ahead of me... I think that the rest of this year will bring alot of groath and smiles for me..