Things happen for a reason

Yesterday was bad, in fact, I put wrote the lyrics of a song that played as I laid down last night in a blog message. ya... yesterday was bad. I have had so many random thoughts lately. To me it often seems like when I am at my most lost, when I am at my most confused. Something happens to pull me out of it. I would like to think it has much to do with the promise I made oh so many years ago now, in that tiny room, on that twin bed. (as Sash stay comes on the ipod.... Dam Ipod) The promise that I would never again make it to that point that I did that night, the darkest most evil place I have ever been. When there was only one person on the planet that could have saved me, who did save me. Through all the BS, all the tears, all the happiness. This one truth will always remain. I would not be standing here as I am now, if I had not had that hand to reach out to in my absolute darkest hour.

Yesterday I made it through the day, and was able to pass out and wake up with the attitude of "Today has to be better, it cannot even be the same, it MUST be better" I have had many fears about the thoughts and feelings that I have been having, that I am slipping back into a "we will see what happenes mentality" I had been thinking I could not let this happen, but felt guilty about everything that was wrapped up in that. About 20 minutes ago, I got the sign that I had been looking for. That my decisions to move forward, that I needed to pick myself up and make things better on my own was the correct decision, it was the way back to the "right path"

I am still very much broken, I have made considerable progress in the last few months, but in all reality there are still goals I need to reach. Things that I need to accomplish. I need to finish finding me. Being happy with who I am, before I can think about anything else.