my arms

heard an original version of this, a slow version of this. Heard the words.... I cried... i smiled... I felt sad, and I felt happy... Safe in my arms... one the few things that I really feel like I can offer someone... to quote a movie that seems to fit...

" They look like big, good, strong hands. Don't they? I always thought that's what they were, but I couldn't hold on to them. they were pulled right out of my hands. I failed. "

Plumb In my arms

your baby blues
so full of wonder
your curley cues
your contageous smile
and as i watch
you start to grow up
all I can do is hold you tight

knowing clouds will raise up
storms will race in
but you will be safe in my arms
rains will pour down
waves will crash all around
but you will be safe in my arms

story books full of fairy tales
kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
you'll someday see the truth from lies

knowing clouds will raise up
storms will race in
but you will be safe in my arms
rains will pour down
waves will crash all around
but you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
dreams may not come true
but you are never all alone
because I will always
always love you

clouds will raise up
storms will race in
but you will be safe in my arms
rains will pour down
waves will crash all around
but you will be safe in my arms

lost in my head

sometimes its not possible to see the way things will work out. sometimes things happen that take your breath away, that knock the wind out of your sails. but even at these times, there can be clarity, there can be explanations for things that didn't quite seem to make sense. Sometimes when you stop asking why is when you get your answer.

Tonight I hurt, seeing now more of the picture. Its hard to see how this could be ok again, but also knowing that its not something I have control over, I might be able to set some rough direction but I will not be able to see how this will be ok, it will just be one day. it is my job to hold myself together until it does, *irony* "to be strong" (seemed so easy before now) until enough time passes, until I have reached that higher ground.

one step at a time, one moment at a time. learn from these lessons, try to stay as open as possible. see the good in everything, remember that wonder of the world that I used to be so good at.

I wish it could be different, it can't, not right now. but I truly wish that it could he, and I am truly sorry for the decisions that I made. but all I can do is learn from those and not make the same mistakes again.

Nothing Left I can say.

So I haven't posted here for a while. I really lost the interest to write, with everything else going on in my life. About a week ago, my life took a drastic turn, a turn I did not see coming and had no idea how to deal with. It occurred to me, recently that letting go is one of the hardest things for me. Even after making so many mistakes, and hurting someone, its still hard for me to let go, beyond the pain, and the should have, and the could have. I want so desperately to be able to help everyone in my life and make their lives better somehow.

What I am learning is there are times when I have to let go, when I either have done as much as I can, or by my actions alone I hurt someone else. This is somthing that I cannot live with. Espically when its someone I considered my best friend. It is to late now, to late to apologize there is nothing more I can do.

Yes this post is written for you. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to drive you away. its to late for excuses, its to late to mend the fences. This is something I will have to live with the rest of my life.