I drempt I was a stream

tonight I dreampt that my life was a stream, it flowed gently from a beggning, to and end, along
the way there were stones and pebbels that disturbed the otherwise calm smooth surface of the
water, and each place where there was a disruption, the ripples flowed down stream almost
endlessly, until they had blended back into the tranquil smoothness of the calm water. I stuck my finger the in the water and observed that no matter where it was placed my finger caused ripples that flowed out and touched the very edges of the stream.

I then drempt that I was that stream, calm, quiet, no stress no outside influances, just being.
there was noone, there was nothing, just peace, scilence, and calm..

Music

I do a lot of thinking and talking about music... I am not sure why but the part that I seem to always forget is how also therapeutic it can be. Last night was rough for me emotion wise, and this morning was full of anger. From the dog not coming out of his cage when I opened it and when I turned around to open the door having him come out and pee right on the floor.... to my new roommate having his ex whom he just broke up with stay the night. I drove to work thinking that today would be a long one. Once I was here, (about 6:10 or so) I put turned on the I-pod and looked through my play lists. The event by Tony Moran caught my eye (thank you rich) I had forgotten I had put it on my I-pod, after buying the CD several months ago. I am not into track 3 and a quiet calm is settling back over me. I wish that I could remember this more often. Music doesn't have to be sad, it doesn't have to hurt or be stuck in the past. I have plenty that is just good.

On the lighter side, I am actually looking forward to going and working with Rob tomorrow, he sent me a message saying he has had some relationship crap going on (seems to be going around) and that he has been working long hours. I have always enjoyed hanging out with him; although it has been a while it’s a quiet good time. Usually filled with laughter about all kinds of geeky stuff, something that I usually don't find outside of work. Makes me sad too, because he deserves to be happy. One of those genuinely good people.

Anger.

Anger... simple word, 2 sylabils, yet somthing that can be so debilitating for me. I experienced some of this last night and was able to just let it go, and now as I sit here at the airport it has hit me again.. I can understand in my head why I am angry all of a sudden, but cannot really put it into words. Its like somthing you find irrtating causing everything else that happens to a million times more fustrating than it would otherwise be.

I have kept pretty busy this last week, and I think that I am going to take a couple days and unplug from non-work stuff. turn off the outside world. I don't like feeling like this, and I think its because I have not taken enough time for just me. This and next week seem like the perfect times to take that oppertunity.. as a matter of fact.. now that I am off the phone. I think I will start right now.

I HATE BEING THIS ANGRY.

A Quiet Christmas

So I have had a tough time "Getting in the spirit" this year. I didn't buy my tree, I didn't decorate my new house. I blamed it on my new job that has me traveling, but another big part of it is that this time of year has many things that had become tradition, and it just didn't feel right this year, so I had just decided not to do them. Things are just different, and it hits me every now and then just how different

I think spending a good portion of today on my own is exactly what I needed to do. To reflect, to just sit and be quiet. I did quiet a bit of cleaning, but now I am just here thinking, wondering what the future holds. what the new year will be like. I am not going to say that this is something that is a happy experience, but not sad either, just necessary. At least for now.