Daughtry

I felt I should make this a separate entry, it seemed the best idea. I had heard most of Chris Daughtry's music before the state fair last year. but for some reason I never put together who he was when I went to see his concert. I then received his CD for Christmas, and as I sit here listening to his music, It has hit me, that this is EXACTLY what I have been needing to listening to. I randomly picked one of the the songs off the album and listened to it tonight, and actually listened to the words...

I am so glad that I have things like this that I can get lost in, things to drown out the sounds of the world, away from the rush, away from anger, the evil the coldness of the world. No matter what happens, I know that this one place I can retreat and know I will be safe, that I can just let go, let down all my defenses.

I think on this note its time for me to go to bed.

Music

I do a lot of thinking and talking about music... I am not sure why but the part that I seem to always forget is how also therapeutic it can be. Last night was rough for me emotion wise, and this morning was full of anger. From the dog not coming out of his cage when I opened it and when I turned around to open the door having him come out and pee right on the floor.... to my new roommate having his ex whom he just broke up with stay the night. I drove to work thinking that today would be a long one. Once I was here, (about 6:10 or so) I put turned on the I-pod and looked through my play lists. The event by Tony Moran caught my eye (thank you rich) I had forgotten I had put it on my I-pod, after buying the CD several months ago. I am not into track 3 and a quiet calm is settling back over me. I wish that I could remember this more often. Music doesn't have to be sad, it doesn't have to hurt or be stuck in the past. I have plenty that is just good.

On the lighter side, I am actually looking forward to going and working with Rob tomorrow, he sent me a message saying he has had some relationship crap going on (seems to be going around) and that he has been working long hours. I have always enjoyed hanging out with him; although it has been a while it’s a quiet good time. Usually filled with laughter about all kinds of geeky stuff, something that I usually don't find outside of work. Makes me sad too, because he deserves to be happy. One of those genuinely good people.

Eletric Violen SeaTac

So I got to Airport today, decided I wanted some Wendy's. the only tables left were Right infront of a gentelman that was playing an eletric violin. His name is Geoffrey Castle.
http://www.geoffreycastle.com/ I was quite impressed with his music, and actually decided to purchase all three of his CD's. I loaded them into itunes and on-to my i-pod. I find the music to be really soothing. Peacefull

at home in the dark

As I sit here in the dark listening to some music on the ipod... So much happened today, it hard to think about it all. All the emotions, from utter sadness and depression, to excitement, and everything in between. looking in from the outside, one could say that I am bi-polar... For those that have known me for a while can see another reason.

Never have I worked somewhere that there was such wonderful things and people that you can't interact with without smiling just because. At the same time there is also such a darkness and people whom are not supportive of a functional work place (I think that is PC enough). A perfect example... Chris the person who stepped up and took the lead position of this team... truly a good person, someone who will accel at anything he puts his mind to. He has taken on a position that by definition is impossible. a position that is set up in such a way that the person will fail no matter what they do (dam I wish that was an exaggeration), that is even assuming that there is a fixed end goal. It makes me so angry to see good people put into a position that has no outcome other than to beat them into utter submission. (like I can even talk about anyone else without looking at my every day activities... just the way I am I guess)

by the end of today I decided that there is nothing more I can do to effect change in a positive way with the position that I currently hold. It has been made clear to me, that I am there to do what I am told... Now that I think about it, this reminds me of when I was at intel as a contractor, and was actually told... "we don't pay you to think." WOW... what a paralell to draw.. a intel contracting job where I was a monkey, to here. A place that when I started, I actually said and I quote "I think I have found a home here"... Its sad that I can now look at that statement and laugh...

I woke up today... with a positive attitude, and I was going to make today a really good day... this is how it ended up... sitting in the dark rocking, trying not to totally loose it. trying to concentrate on the things in my life that are positive I just find that to be really messed up.

I am thinking about taking tomarrow as a mental health day.. the only reason it is not a Duh thing is because I know that I need to go back to work on Thursday. I also know that work will just pile up another day, and I will have that much more to do when I get back..

All this, and I have not even gotten into any of the reasons that today wend to bad. and thinking about it now, I am not sure that it matters. a few notes for when I come back to read this....
my talk with chatwik
Eric S leaving the company
BL lunch on Friday
RC making life hell for someone other than me.

I think thats it for me tonight.. its time to get some rest so that I can get up early and put myself back together...

few random morning thoughts

So its been a few days since I have been back from montana. I am sitting here at work, just thinking about things. listening to some good music. I can say, right now.. as I sit here. I am happy. I am not sure when the last time was that I could say that. nothing more nothing less. just happy. with where I am, life, work. right now is good...

There are of course things that I want to change... but right now.. in this moment.. happy is the word I am choosing to describe my state of being.

Music

thought I would add a quick blurb here, I have now listened to these new cd's I have all the way through, and I have just started over again... I look forward to when I can have a car with satalite so that I can listen to this new music on a more regular basis... I miss it...