there are no words

there are no words that truly express how I am feeling, so lost, so much like a failure, ready for things to turn around. I want to be happy again, I want to stop hurting. its been a very very long day and I am ready for it to be over...

lost

Lost in a world, that scares me to death,
Lost in a crowd, I'm losing my breath.
Lost as a boy, lost as a man,
I need to grow up, don't think I can.

Lost as a person, can't find my way.
Lost in life, every day.
Lost in worry, who am I?
All my life, I've lived a lie.

Lost to kindness, lost to love,
Lost in a sky, like a new-born dove.
Lost in thought, which I shouldn't do,
It winds me up, I can’t get through.

Lost to comfort, all kind words,
Lost to advice, it isn't heard.
Lost to those who really care,
All these people, always there.

Lost in me, I need a break,
Lost in wonder, which road to take?
Lost in a place I don't know well,
Where are you now? There's no one to tell.

Lost here, all alone,
Lost apart from the mobile phone.
Lost still, there are no calls.
I'm struggling alone, to break these walls.

Lost in mind, lost in soul,
Lost memories, they'res just a hole.
Lost family, lost mate,
Gone now, yet I'm full of hate.

Lost in a straight world, and I am gay,
Lost now, for what to say,
Lost in boredom, think I'll leave.
There's a lot in life I need to achieve.

to a friend that I have lost...

For a long time I hoped that I would find a way to be a part of your life again, hoped that the time we shared back then was more than just a passing moment. They say that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, I am now very convinced that you came into my life so many years ago now for a reason. I look at my life and the biggest parts that are not family related, and I am not sure I would have any of it if it wern't for you.

I am laying here in bed listening to a song that has reminded me of you. I hope that your life is bringing you everything you could hope for I send virtual hugs to you wherever you are.

"like a priceless jewel burried in dark layers of soil and stone, earth radiates her brilliant beauty to the caverns of space and time. Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home and experience is as a place to visit and play with reality. You are becomig aware of yourself as a game master...

Embracing the goddes energy within yourselves will bring all of you to a new understanding and valuing of life, a vision that inspires you to live and love on planet earth.

like a priceless jewel burried in dark layers of soil and stone, earth radiates her brilliant beauty to the caverns of space and time. Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home and experience is as a place to visit and play with reality. You are becomig aware of yourself as a game master..."

Lost friends

I was fairly determined to not post anything about my weekend, but there is something small that happened... that I thought I should write about.. something that makes me both sad and frustrated at the same time.

Several months for reasons that I can't even remember now, I grew apart from someone that I considered a good friend. I feel that I reached out to this person a couple times, only to be told in no uncertin terms that my communication was no longer needed. Normally I can let this go.. I understand people often grow apart from each other, but this one got to me much more than I thought it would. This weekend While I was at Disney, I saw this person... all he could say was hi, and his focus was mostly toward someone else in our party... I thought I was over the whole thing, but it brought back up all that emotions that I had around this the first time.

I don't let alot of people in.. at least not into the real me. He was one of the few that I felt close to. at times I knew that he had to be at arms distance because that is just what he needed, but you don't really realize how much someone means till they are gone.

I also would like to say that I regret some of the things that I thought about him since that time, they were not fair and were really only to help me feel better... which they did not. mostly it was a defensive mechanism for me. I needed to be mad so that I would not be hurt.

I would just like to say. "Brian, I am sorry that we grew apart, I am sorry that I dissapointed you, I am sorry that we grew apart, and I miss the friendship that we shared at one point."