Mistakes

I have made so many mistakes in my life.. It's hard to continue making choices knowing my track record. Wish that it was eaiser to "move on" that I didn't get so "attached" so easly.

I am so lost, I need to figure out who I am. I know what I want, and what I need. But none of that seems to matter, as I do not have control.

I am me, one day at a time, I will survive, just wish I knew how it was all gonna work out.

lot on my mind tonight, up late

So I am awake, not really tired, not really interested in going to sleep. seem to have alot of thoughts on my mind tonight. I wish that they were new thoughts. I wish that I didn't have to keep reliving some mistakes. Maybe if I learned the first time, I could not make them again.

Thought alot about being told "You always have to be right." The more I think about it the more I see that he is right, I guess I always have had to be. have to think about what that means, how it could change, or if it should change.

Not really looking forward to getting up and going to work tomarrow, but I guess thats part of the process. will game for a little while long, then will go to bed.

The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
about things we've gone through
though its hurting me,
now its history,

i've played all my cards
and thats what you've done too
nothing more to say
no more ace to play

the winner takes it all
the looser standing small
beside the victory
thats her destiny

i was in your arms
thinking I belonged there
i figured it made sense

building me a fence
building me a home
thinking I'd be strong there

but I was a fool
playing by the rules

the gods may throw the dice
their minds as cold as ice
and someone way down here
looses someone dear

the winner takes it all
the looser has to fall
its simple and its plain
why should I complain

tell me does she kiss
like I used to kiss you
does it feel the same
when she calls your name

somewhere deep inside
you must know I miss you
but what can I say
rules must be obeyed

the judges will decide
the likes of me abide
spectators at the show
always staying low

the game is on again
lover or a friend
admitting I was small
the winner takes it all

i don't want to talk
cause it makes me feel sad
and I understand
you've come to shake my hand

i apologize
if it makes you feel bad
seeing me so tense
no self confidence

but you see
the winner takes it all
the winner takes it all
the game is on again
a lover or a friend
admitting I am small
the winner takes it all

the winner.... takes it all.....

in late

So I came into work tonight, it was just easier, had some issues with some software that I was working with at home, and was not able to fix it there. I also have a head full of junk rumbling around and just needed to get away from the house.

I feel like I have been pretty productive tonight, at least as far as work goes. I think its time to spend some energy picking up some stuff I have neglected though, I think I may try and do that after work tomorrow... well today technically I guess.

At least I got done what I had planned to get done for work. I may do this more often, its really quiet here and I enjoy the time alone.. the house seems to be kinda full lately.. well more later I suppose