change

Sometimes somthing that hits you all at once, sometimes so constant that you don't even know it has changed until you look back and see just how far you have come.

Today has been a long day, alot of emotions. I laughed, I cried.. I reminised. Away from all of that, I take away 2 things. Change and Perspective. Change is constant, no matter what it is, even if only seems to be time. Perspective on the other hand, can be constant but also can chane the feeling and meaning of almost anything.

Its easy for me to forget these two things. Seems like I need to be reminded over and over again. and each time I learn them, I take a little somthing extra away. I want so much to live the life that I think about in my head. I want to believe that I am a good person, I want to be so much more than I am.

It just seems like real change is just out of my grasp, I will keep trying though, and eventually will get to where I want to be. I think I will have an even more lofty goal by then though, guess we will see.

UG what a night.

I almost posted this last night, but I thought that I should think about it a little while first. lately it seems like any thing that I do is riddeld with things that either hurt someone I care about, of are mising somthing that should be glaringly obvious. Or are just not thought through, or in some cases are just plain stupid. Its like the thinking part of my brain has gone on vacation and left me here to fend for myself.

My thought last night was to just take time away from everything and try and figure it out. Its seems though that I do that alot, and often times end up more lost than I started. gonna try a different approach this time. I think I am going to approach these things head on, each one of them. accept the responsibility for the actions I have taken and then change them. If it causes more issues then maybe it is the wrong choice.

The theme the last couple of weeks for me has been change I think this is a good place to inact that.

New oppertunities...

So the time has come for me to finish making some changes for me that have been a long time coming. 2 weeks ago I was aproached by a company about a oppertunity that they had, which I seemed a good fit for. Over the past 2 weeks I have had several phone interviews, and even a face to face where I flew to San Jose and met with the gentelman who would be my boss. If they make an offer and its worth is, I think that I will have to seriously consider it.

I have been at my current position for a long time, and if for no other reason it is time for me to do somthing else. This is the frist time in a long time that I can see progress, I can see that I am make progress towards all the goals that I have set forth for myself..