Randomness

So close, can't quit touch. Somthing simple said, leaving behind such
a large wound. Still awake at 2am, nothing left to do, but let time
pass... Hoping tomarrow will bring clarity, closure, a smile, a tear....

Feeling alone tonight, empty on the inside, wishing there was a warm
body to hold, to be heald by, to cry and be told it would be ok.
Wishing I had some visiability into the future.

-D

Poem that really got to me

I found this poem, and it just really got to me. (thank you Mitch for posting it)

Does It Matter?

My parents asked me if I am gay
I said, "Does it matter?"
They said, "No, not really."
I told them, "Yes."
They said, "Get out of our lives."
I guess it mattered.

My boss asked me if I am gay.
I said, "Does it matter?"
He said, "No, not really."
I told him, "Yes."
He said, "You're fired, faggot."
I guess it mattered.

My friend asked me if I am gay.
I said, "Does it matter?"
He said, "No, not really."
I told him, "Yes."
He said, "Don't call me your friend."
I guess it mattered.

My partner asked, "Do you love me?"
I said, "Does it matter?"
He said, "Yes."
I told him, "I love you."
He said, "Let me hold you in my arms."
For the first time in my life something matters.

My God asked, "Do you love yourself?"
I said, "Does it matter?"
He said, "Yes."
I asked, "How can I love myself? I am gay."
He said, "That's the way I made you."
Nothing again will ever matter.

--Author Unknown

my duality

been thinking about the recent changes I have made in my life. I have been thinking about the duality in my life, this reminder of both who I am and the symbol of control in my life.

It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't already know me, the internal battle to keep balance between the wild, protective, fighter, and the gentle loving, passivist.

I wear this symbol to remind me that there is a time and a place for everything. To remind me that though there may be a better way to do something it's not always my responsibility to bring it up or make it happen.

Moving forward I choose to be happy. I choose to take my life and enjoy it.

How Lucky am I.

Quote from a movie:

"do I love him? I adore him, hes my comfortable afgan, hes all I can think about, everything he is. everythign he says. everythign he does, to me, for me, with me, sweet kisses, he makes up for all the greif and pain I have ever had. in the dark of the night he is there."

How lucky am I to have gotten the chance to experience this. With so much pain and hate in the world. To know that it is possible, to find somthing so good, so wonderfull. Somthing that totally overpowers all the crap, and makes it not matter. I have also learned, that I can continue to love those people that mean the most to me, even if things have changed, and they may not feel the same.

This is enough to find the motivation to now move on, on my own, stronger, and ready for the next wonderful thing to come into my life.

Everything happens for a reason

Random song lyrics

cleaning the house, listening to music, and I heard some really positive song lyrics.

so many times you did not bring this on your self, when that moment finally comes, I'll be there to help.

when you simply need a place to make your bed, right here underneath my wing, you can rest your head.

hope and pray that you never need me, but rest assured I will not let you down.I walk beside you but you may not see Me, the strongest among us may not wear a crown.

on that day when you don't have the strength for the burden you bear, I will be right here.