Lost

lost in a world that doesn't understand, lost in a world that
doesn't care, lost in a world numb to reality, a world where what once
was considered unacceptable, now is accepted as common place.

Each day it gets harder to see the good, becomes harder to see the
good in humanity. It wears me down, it seems very difficult to escape
from it. I find retreating into my own mind one of the few places left
that feels safe.

Lately I feel very alone in the world. I look at the past, I smile....
Then I cry, so many mistakes, and now here I am. Sometimes I hate
knowing the things I am not supposed to know. I look back at the
happiest times of my life and each of them involves ignorance on my
part, or at very least turning a blind eye to that which was so
obvious to people around me.

I wish I could get back to that, it seems that the world rewards that
type of behaviour. I want to be ignorant, I want to stop wanting to
make the world a better place, want to stop caring about helping
people be happy. It is such a constant drain, and it hurts so much.

I need a sign that what I do matters in the grand schme of things.
That I matter.......