bed time

ya I said it, and yes it is 8:30. just laying in bed thinking about everything that has happend, and hoping that the new hurt is over, that no matter what the decision, we can move on, and live life again.... I am sending out every ounce of positive, happy, loving energy out to you both.

I am hoping we can all be ok moving forward.... positive thoughts, positive energy, positive actions.... I love you guys....

the need to be needed

I was just sitting here thinking how we all need to be needed, how we all want to feel that someone wants us around. How when we leave a relationship, we fear that we may never find another one, another someone who will need and want us, another someone that will love us. For me it is espically hard, because there have not been many people in my life that I have bonded with, shared who I am with, and really felt close to. I know this is my doing, but I think it makes it that much harder to let someone go. I have created a special place in my heart for the select few that have really known me, and I am not sure there is any way to remove that, and if there was what kind of person would I be if I did?

when those people we love find other people to love, it feels like we die just a little inside, as the final pieces we cling to of still being needed fade. Its never an easy thing, and I often wish that the pain could just go away, that I could just be ok. I hide alot of my pain, inside where I think it is safe from causing issue for other people, its hard for me to let it out without going overboard. The truth is, I think I am glad that there is pain, I am glad that I hurt. because it reminds me that I am alive, I am a person participating in the human race, and that my feelings are real, and that I truly am capable of love, and worth being loved. that what I felt then, through the mistakes, and poor choices, was real, and that it ment somthing, and that even if it were for a short time, I made a difference in some elses life, ocasionally made them smile, maybe even made them feel warm and fuzzy from time to time.

doesn't make it any eaiser though, doesn't make it hurt less. it does let me see how deeply I really do love though, and that the love is powerful, and effects the world around me. I long to find love that will last forever, I look to the future with hope in who I am now, and will become, thatI am and w people will see me for who ant to be close, that I can make people laugh for the rest of my days, that I can love so deep that 2 become as 1...

I found it on top of the mountian

today I found my sence of wonder, not that it was gone completly, but today I experienced that all encompasing feeling that I used to have much more often.

it started as the sun was coming up, before you could even see it, it was lighting up the eastern sides of the rock. So far away and alright lighting the way.

what really got me though was looking at the city lights streaching across the valley, looking so uniform. Knowing people built it all. How did such a large undertaking come together so erfectly? It seems impossible when you look at it from here.

I believe the answer, one road, one street light, one house, one person, and most, importantly, one day at a time.

I think this is how I m going to focus my life moving forward. One day at a time living an being happy today, living my life as if there may be no tomatrow, you never know when it will be your time.

the last coupe days/weeks have been pretty tough.. On a lot I people, through it all, I have some memories that I will never forget. this last weekend, i had the best time at the lake/camping I think I have ever had, I was able to relax and enjoy the time with friends. I
would like to do both more.

I still believe everything happens for a reason, and that from every bad comes some good, sometimes from this distance, it just looks like dots. later someone or somthing come along to connect those dots and reveal the bigger picture.......

The gay world

So today I stopped in Broomfield colorado to see a friend, there was
some stress due to some confusion about his ex. I was glad to find out
he was not around. I felt I would have had to have some words with him..

It looked like we would get to go out by ourselves. I was kinda
excited about this cause it would mean we could actually catch up..

Well to make a long story short, he decided to meet someone downtown
at a bar.. I drove because he has challenges being a DD.. We did
hamburger marys, I had the fajitas and they were amazing, they were
served with this green chili stuff that was awsome.. I was shocked how
good it was, my friend had a alchol drink of somthing and nofood.

Once done and at the bar, his friend arrived and I was quickly made
aware that I should become scarse, which I did. My friend then
brought this person back here, and the night was over.... Perhaps I
can sleep now.. As I hear them in the next room... LOL

Laying in bed in montana

So I am laying here going over everything that has happened. All the
adventure, all the interesting things.

I have to wonder if this is how it was always planned to be. That
everything happens for a reason when it is supposed to.

There is definatly no way I could have predicted this course of events
but as I lay here listening to music, the bedroom window open wind
gently blowing outside, I am smileing, excited again about what is
ahead of me and what could be just around the corner.

Today I am happy.. Family, friends, and a positive attitude.. It's an
intoxicating combination.

Tv

Turned on the tv. Golden girls was on, tear and a smile

-dave

Time heals... Stuff

So, I spent some talking... I feel better now, I seem some real tough
stuff coming, but I feel less stressed about it. I can see hope now.
Very conflicted but I think better overall. I have some good ideas
about how to be better and get back to me.

Here's to the signs of hope.. *smile*

well I am here, on my adventure

I am here... at my parents house... http://tinyurl.com/6hdrzd I am not 100% sure how this is going to go, but I am hoping for the best, there is still alot I am dealing with mentally... but hopefully I can take a break from that and enoy my time here... guess we shall see

I write here because I have to

I cannot call I cannot txt.. I have to respect your space. Through
all of my feelings I cannot slip again, I cannot risk being the cause
of more hurt for you.

know that I think about you, and that I love you, as I always will.
this is all I have left that I can do for you.

-T

3 tear soaked pages condensed, down to this.

a simple smile, a tear, and I love you.