words and their meanings

this morning has already been a challenge, lots of random thought going through my head. Thinking about decisions I need to make and how I am going to be able to make them, if I am going to be able to make them. So as usuall I have music turned on, and on comes this song I heard 1000 times listened to the words, but today somehow it was different. Maybe it was my mood, maybe it was just timing, but it really struck me to my core.

"don't dream to far, don't loose site of who you are"
"Every so offen we long to steal to the land of what might have been, but that doesn't soffen the ach we feel when reality sets back in."
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart. I wasn't born for the rose and the perl."

I felt I needed to post this somthing to reflect on later.

Daughtry

I felt I should make this a separate entry, it seemed the best idea. I had heard most of Chris Daughtry's music before the state fair last year. but for some reason I never put together who he was when I went to see his concert. I then received his CD for Christmas, and as I sit here listening to his music, It has hit me, that this is EXACTLY what I have been needing to listening to. I randomly picked one of the the songs off the album and listened to it tonight, and actually listened to the words...

I am so glad that I have things like this that I can get lost in, things to drown out the sounds of the world, away from the rush, away from anger, the evil the coldness of the world. No matter what happens, I know that this one place I can retreat and know I will be safe, that I can just let go, let down all my defenses.

I think on this note its time for me to go to bed.

So many songs, so many meanings

so music is a huge part of my life.... duh.. but its amazing how the same song and the same words can mean so many different things to me. lately I have been hearing songs that heald a meaning for me so long taking on another meaning.

"I had a dream last night, you were there, you heald my hand so tight, I thought i'd just die. do you remember when we used to have so much fun. I used to cry sometimes, those days are gone."

"I'm not a perfect person, there manny things I wish I didn't do, but I continue learning, I never ment to do those things to you, and so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know, I found a reason for me, to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is you."

"I was lost, and I'm still lost, but I feel so much better."

"I open my eyes, try to see but I blinded by the white light, I can't remember how, I can't remember why, I'm lyin here tonight, and I can't stand the pain and I can't make it go away. no I can't stand the pain. How could this happen to me, I made my mistakes, got nowhere to run, the night goes on as I'm fading away...."

late night thoughts

Ok, not as late as some of the ones I have had, but still. so I came into the office tonight, angry and frustrated. I know it was over something stupid. When I stopped and thought about it, I heard those voices from the past reminding me how I was once on the receiving end of the same thought. To forget about this and move on to a better mood so that I could go to bed, I cranked up some music from the past. I then proceeded to poke around on the internet, never a good thing for me to do when I am in this kind of mood.

Tonight, I read a profile of someone online that really intrigued me, someone who claimed they were a white night and wore their armor proudly, I was pretty sure I know this person, and debated weather I should send this person a message. I did, and got no response.

I then continued to poke around on the internet, found myself on my space, reading the site of someone who I would now consider a friend from work. We had a long talk the other day about life, the loss of innocence, and how there doesn't seem to be any moral people in the world anymore, this lead into discussions of what morality was, and how it is inturperted by different people.

I realized after that conversation that it is rare that I find someone that even thinks about these things. We have become a socity that just races from one drama filled moment to the next, there doesn't seem to be much that is truly special anymore, or any time spent marveling at the truly simple pleasures. He spoke of not feeling special in his relationship, my heart went out to him, but what do you say to someone in that position? "no really you are special in your relationship...." chances are good that not many people he will be around will even think about things like this, let alone understand where he is coming from, and that he may not be special in the way that he should be with is GF. I saw me, when I first moved away from home. The thought of meeting that one person you would spend the rest of your life with, I felt so bad for him, I know how that can feel and it is not somthing that you can prepare for, or even defend against. Its cuts quick and it cuts deep.

This person also has a twin brother, and the more I get to know one it is starting to seem that they are two sides of the same coin, one dark and one light, one the logical thinker, one the feeling. I have long been a believer that how you are brought up has a lot to do with the person you have the potential of being, and even though I I grew up with a set of twins in high school I never thought about this aspect. Having someone who is automatically that person who you are closest to, who you can and do share everything. How that must also play a huge part in your development, and how you look at life.

I feel another post coming on about how this has caused me to think about things in my life. Some decisions that I need to make, and how they will effect me.. maybe tonight, or tomorrow night I don't know.