Difficult words

Lately I have found it hard to write in here. I feel like a hypocryt. I got everything I asked for and fucked it up. Now, I am having issues picking myself up learning from my mistakes. Its somthing so easy to visualize, but I have never seemed to take into account the crippeling effect of the emotion that comes with failure.

I heard somthing the other day about my sign, and it struck me to my core. I heard someone say, Aquarius, their phrase is "I know" you never have to tell them anything because they know. I looked at my life and immeadetly began having flashbacks of when that was exactly the case.
This is not who I want to be...

I am listening to that song again, "just be" makes me cry EVERY time. So much I want to change. I hate myself for some of the stuff I have done recently. I ask how I got here, the reality is that I got here one step at a time, and that is exactly how I am going to have to get to the next place. Sounds so easy.... all you have to do is get up off the floor and start walking, somthing that seems so impossible now.

I know you read this, and I want to say to you, that I am sorry, for everything. I am also sorry you could never tell me how you felt, and I wish every day that you didn't have to "deal with me" like you have. I thought I could, and now wish there was somthing I could do to help you, but I think that may be the cause of the pain...